Can therapy really help with infertility?
The pain of infertility is substantial. Heavy. Hard to put down. But how can therapy support this pain? I do not participate in the process of getting you pregnant, and I cannot guarantee you will be able to build the family you long for. So is talking about infertility really going to help?
Reproductive mental health specialty providers (like myself), work with folks navigating infertility and trying to conceive (TTC) in varying capacities and can help in some of the following ways:
Education and support about what to expect as a reproductive medicine patient; including receiving treatments & navigating communications with your medical care team
Learning coping skills for the experience and impact of medical appointments; including stress of administering medications, coping with the effects of medications (like changing mood, sleep patterns, appetite), anxious anticipation of appointments & the outcomes of appointments, and the increased stress of accessing frequent medical care
Understanding the toll of infertility & medical treatments on your mental health; it is well documented that infertility and the long-time process of trying to grow your family can affect and worsen depression, anxiety and even traumatic stress. Support in understanding how YOU are being impacted, correct diagnosis of things like depression and effective treatment is critical in being able to preserve your well-being
Navigating how infertility is affecting your relationships; the strain of cycles of hope & disappointment. Differences in how you and your partner are holding the pain of infertility. The hurt, pain, bitterness & isolation from others, especially as those around you growing their families, causing you to withdraw. All of this and more changes how you feel & act within your relationships, which can affect the quality of your relationships, the communication patterns and dynamics. A neutral place to unpack these changes and figure out how to address them can often prevent or improve things getting worse
Support in how to keep going if that is what you want! A 2010 study*, looking at why insured patients drop out of treatment found “The most common reason given for terminating treatment was emotional: psychological burden (22%) and needing to take a break from treatment (17%), or a total of 39% of the sample.” When asked to clarify the primary stressors of the process, “The two most common answers were ‘infertility taking too much of a toll on our relationship’ and ‘too anxious or depressed to continue.’” This tell us how crucial appropriate support, stress management, and mental health treatment is in maintaining the option to continue with care or TTC if that is something you want to do
Processing the changes in your relationship with yourself; your own identity, view of yourself & how to understand what parts of yourself are being changed, stressed, overtaxed, or even stretched toward growth in unexpected ways
A thought partner for decision making; do I move forward with IVF? Is it time to consider donor gametes? Do I try another round of IUI? Is it time for me to stop trying? There are so very many decision points, choices, action steps and directions that long-time infertility, assisted reproductive medicine and loss can ask of you. Therapy can serve as a meaningful container for thinking through, identifying the options & committing to a direction that serves you best in this often confusing process
And certainly not last, or least of all, therapy can be a much needed space of caring for your tender heart as you come to terms with the thorny path that is infertility. Come & let’s hold the impossibly heavy weight together
*Domar, A. D., Smith, K., Conboy, L., Iannone, M., & Alper, M. (2010). A prospective investigation into the reasons why insured United States patients drop out of in vitro fertilization treatment. Fertility and Sterility, 94(4), 1457–1459. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fertnstert.2009.06.020
